What Is Love?
Don’t let the word love define your LOVE
Love is the most powerful emotion a human being can experience. The strange think is, that almost nobody knows what love is. Why is it so difficult to find love? That is easy to understand, if you know that the word “love” is not the same as one’s feeling of love.
The word “love” is used and abused for the expression of different sets of feelings.
The word love is used as an expression of affection towards someone else (I love you) but it also expresses pleasure (I love chocolate). To make it a little more complicated, the word “love” also expresses a human virtue that is based on compassion, affection and kindness. This is a state of being, that has nothing to do, with something or someone outside yourself. This is the purest form of Love.
The ancient Greek used 7 words to define the different states of love:
Storge: natural affection, the love you share with your family.
Philia: the love that you have for friends.
Eros: sexual and erotic desire kind of love (positive or negative)
Agape: this is the unconditional love, or divine love
Ludus: this is playful love, like childish love or flirting.
Pragma: long standing love. The love in a married couple.
Philautia: the love of the self (negative or positive)
These are 7 different kind of feelings. The love you feel for your partner is not the same as the love you feel for your mother. Even the love for your partner changes in time. You feel different emotions for different situations and people.
But still, we use the same word. It is easy to understand that a confusion is easy made while communicating. I can say “I love you” to two different people (and mean it), but I am actually feeling in a different way.
This confusion is not only the case while 2 people are talking, your own brain does not get it.
What you feel is controlled by the right side of your brain and language is controlled by your left side. If you use the word “love” 10 times a day with different situations, it losses power. Your left part or your brain does not get fully activated when you really mean “I love you” and want to get exited about it. 50% of your brain is a lot.
The first thing that you need to do is learn the differences of the (7?) states of love. Not the words, but how they feel. It is easy if you recognize the words. It is basic training. Awareness, that is the secret to love.
Love is a practice, it is not something you find or don’t find. You can practice love for the rest of your life.
Don’t abuse the word love. Use other words where you are not addressing emotion towards other people.
Example: I love chocolate, becomes: I enjoy chocolate. I love my job, becomes: I have passion for what I do.
Enjoying, loving and passion are 3 different emotions. It is essential to learn (again) the true meaning of words, not merely to communicate with someone else, but also so learn to experience them. Words are very powerful instruments. Not only to communicate with others, but also with your self. The words you use, creates awareness and eventually your reality.
If you use words wisely, you can learn to recognize what kind of love you are feeling, and enjoy the different kinds of love. With one person of different ones.
If you don’t know how to find love with in you, you will never find it outside you.
Words are agreements to express ideas or feelings. The meaning of words is not absolute, it is always a personal interpretation. The group of feelings associated with the word “love” is difficult to understand, and even more difficult to express to other person. Let put is this way: it is impossible with only one word.
With the creation of a word, you can give it a special meaning. Some lovers create words to express what they feel to each other. A word creates and agreement or memories. This moments can be repeated when you use that word or when you think about it.
In other languages exist words, related to love, that expresses different situations that don’t have a translation to English. When you know this words, you recognize this feelings. You get more grip in what you are experiencing.
Beautiful words in other languages:
Yuanfen (Chinese): A love relationship that has been established by lot, based on principles of Chinese culture.
Mamihlapinatapei (Yaghan): A look that without words is shared by two people who want to initiate something, but neither start.
Cafuné (Brazilian Portugees): Slowly stroking your fingers through someone else’s hair.
Retrouvailles (France): The happiness of seeing someone again after a long time.
La Douleur Exquise (France): The enormous pain in your heart when you desire someone you cannot have.
Ya’aburnee (Arabic): The hope that you will die earlier than the other, so you don’t need to live without the other.
Forelsket (Nordic): The euphoria you feel when you fall in love for the first time.
Saudade (Portugees): The feeling of longing for someone you love, but is far away.
This “moments” are so important in other cultures that they have words to express them. My point is, don’t use just one word to define your love. Learn this “words” and recognize them when you are living them.
With love, you get what you put in
Love is an emotion in action. You can learn how to feel and cultivate your love… First learn and know the different situations of love. Learn how to recognize them when you are feeling them. Then you go and share your love with others.
Love between 2 people can only begin if the interaction is based on truth, trust and respect. That is something you start giving. This is essential to grown mutual love between 2 individuals. If the other person gives you wat you give, then you start feeling love for each other and it can grow…
It is not difficult to understand love, once you know how love works.
It is very easy to fall in love with someone. The difficulty is to stay in love. But if it is difficult to stay in love, that means, that it is not the love of your life. It is a love experience. Love is always beautiful, if it is not beautiful, it is not love. Time to move on. Sometimes, love just fades away. It is better to move on when you don’t feel anything, then when you feel the opposite of love.
Finding your loved one or a relationship…
If you want to find the love of your life, start being aware of your use of the word love. Saying and thinking I want to find the love of my life and not I want a relationship is fundamental. You find what you are looking for.
“Being in a relationship” is a marketing term invented in magazines. Everyone that is not single is in a relationship. To address a large group of people it is perfect, but it is to vague to define your personal situation.
Why are so many of always wondering what the meaning of love is? Is it out of fear of uncertainty in a relationship? Or is it because we ourselves have been accused of not showing love for someone? And why is it that, even when we don’t fully understand what exactly love is, we tend to make decisions–good and bad–based on love?
DEFINING ‘LOVE’ IN DIFFERENT VARIANTS
Love is one of the most profound emotions we experience as humans. It’s bigger than us, meaning, though we can invite it into our lives, we do not have the control over the how, when and where love starts to express itself. Maybe that’s why 72% of people believe in love at first sight. Sometimes, love truly does strike like a bolt of lightening to the chest, and you aren’t prepared for it.
Since love is inherently free, we spend nights tossing and turning in an attempt to understand what it is, and how to know if we have it. How do you define something so uncontrollable and versatile?
That’s the tricky thing about love, we can feel it in a variety of different states–when we’re happy, sad, angry, confused or excited–and our attitudes about love can range from affectionate love, to infatuation and pleasure. We even use love as an action, as a force to keep our relationships with partners, or friends and family, together.
The ancient Greeks used seven words to define the different states of love we can experience:
Storage: natural affection
Eros: sexual and erotica
Agape: unconditional, divine love
Pragma: committed, married love
Philautia: self love
Though there are many different kinds of love to experience, the romantic and affectionate expression of love is what, on some level, we’re all seeking. The reason being that the majority of us find fulfillment through the comfort of a deeply committed and romantic relationship. In fact, 88% of Americans cite love as being the top reason they choose to get married, so it’s easy to acknowledge that the idea of love plays a pretty big role in all of our lives.
THE NEED FOR A DEFINITION
But, because love takes on different forms, we can each experience love in our own way, which is why defining the term ‘love’ is so complicated. And so we find ourselves lying awake at night, searching the Internet for an exact definition because our culture creates a need for one–we want to know how others perceive love so we can determine how our love stacks up against that definition. Think about it: if you say you’re in love with someone, but your friends or family don’t see the chemistry, you might be angry when they tell you that it “doesn’t look like love.” Are they wrong? Or are you? How does one know who to believe–thus, as we do in this age, we search the Internet, desperately seeking to know what, exactly, is love.
WHAT IS LOVE? LOVE IS CHEMISTRY
From the scientific point of view, love is a powerful and permanent neurological condition. Love is chemistry and it’s not something you can necessarily control. Take, for example, the difference between lust and love. Lust is a temporary desire fueled by an increased release of testosterone and oestrogen–it lasts for a little bit, then you normalize and it’s gone. But, when you feel true love, the brain can release a whole set of chemicals, allowing you to experience it in different expressions.
WHAT IS LOVE? LOVE IS COMMITMENT
Love is so hard to define because it doesn’t exist as one thing. We can feel love for our significant others, our parents, friends, children and pets. Some of us direct our love toward God, or celebrities, and we can hold love for our neighbors, country and objects. Love can be blind, misguided, tragic, unconditional, steadfast and inconsistent. It takes on many different variants, yet, at its best, love is a passionate commitment that we constantly work to develop and nurture.
WHAT IS LOVE? LOVE IS INFATUATION
When you take away the aspect of commitment, love is infatuation. When you’re no longer passionate about someone, you’re simply dedicated to him or her. Love that is infatuation is not really good love because, well, we often let our obsession become the root of the relationship, which might mean you’re focusing more on the idea of being in love, or the idea of the relationship, than the actual relationship itself.
WHAT IS LOVE? LOVE IS COMPATIBILITY
Lastly, when all is said and done, love is also about compatibility. When you break down and analyze different relationships, one of the key factors is how compatible two partners are. When you share the same values, likes and dislikes, interests, political or philosophical views with someone you are much more likely to be compatible and thus, are more likely to fall in love. Sure, there can always be situations where “opposites attract” but there will always need to be some common grounds for the relationship to grow roots on, or it might fall into one of the other categories of love. Love and compatibility work together to build a relationship.
Why do we fall in love?
WHAT IS LOVE AND A GOOD RELATIONSHIP?
the time I professed to be happy, or crazy about them and that we just needed to ‘work things out’. I also believed that being in a relationship meant that there was going to be drama and big lows. And then I got wise.
I’ve been asked several times recently what love is, how do you know when a relationship is good and variations on these queries. I’m not about to get all lyrical on you and start doing ‘Love is…’ poems but suffice to say that there are enough of you who have professed to love men that don’t love you to know that love means different things to different people. You can do love the healthy way…or the painful, not so healthy way…
Loving someone requires commitment.
That’s not just saying the words ‘I love you’ and bandying around the L word each time you have a free moment, but committing emotionally, physically, and spiritually to the other person.
Every relationship needs two committed people. That means two people with both of their feet in the relationship working towards the common interest of the relationship. One person doesn’t do all the loving and it’s not a tug of war as one tries to get the other to come around to their way of thinking.
To commit on a healthy level and find yourself with a partner to create that relationship you desire so much with, you also need to love yourself otherwise you won’t know what love is because you are out of tune with what makes you feel good.
Instead people who don’t love themselves and who have low self-esteem with poor ideas about relationships look to other people to validate themselves and also to fill the void and get loved. In seeking out people to be in a relationship, we gravitate to those that reflect how we feel about ourselves and life, so if you don’t love you, you find yourself with someone who will not only not love you but will reflect the negatives.
At the end of the day people who are in good relationships that are going somewhere don’t ask whether they’re in a good relationship. They’re too busy living and getting on with their lives and know they’re happy.
Love requires boundaries and accountability, which arises from being committed on an emotional, physical, and spiritual level.
Love requires responsibility. Life may throw curve balls and you’re not going to be happy, happy, happy all the time, but in genuinely loving someone, you act responsibly to that person and the relationship.
Often in poor relationships, there is at least one party who is trying to dodge the bullet of responsibility. When you call them on their behaviour, they say that no-one’s forcing you to be with them, or they told you x,y,z so you knew the score. They brush you off and call you needy for expecting from them, and manage down your expectations and blow hot and cold to avoid connecting and responsibility.
Love is about consistency and it should build and grow, not dissipate or take a nosedive.
Love has a foundation so whilst you can undoubtedly be attracted to someone when you meet them, the foundation for the relationship is created as you get to know them for who they are (as opposed to an illusion).
You will know genuine love when you learn to keep it real. Everyone can look to the future but people who are disconnected from the reality of their relationships are obsessed with the past and what used to be or looking to the future and what could be if only certain criteria were met. You need to enjoy your present and you know what, you don’t need to bet on potential when you’re being real and accepting the person for what they are.
Love feels good and pain is not love, it’s pain. If you have a history of poor relationships, can you genuinely say that you, as a person felt good, that your spirit and emotions felt good?
Loving someone involves genuine trust between both parties. It means that even though you may have fears, you don’t let them outweigh your love for that person.
Everyone has baggage although we should keep it to hand baggage territory. You can’t love someone and still be hankering for your ex and dealing with the ghosts of your relationship past.
When I met my partner, I had been through a hell of a lot in my past but I started afresh with him and I took a chance on myself and love. Yes I had fears but I didn’t allow them to derail me or the relationship and I dealt with them because to allow them and my old patterns to override this opportunity would have been denying myself and I’d realised that I loved me.
Loving someone means you’ll have care and concern for them. You’ll treat them with love, not ambivalence or fickleness, or disregard. Instead, you’ll be incredibly uncomfortable to put them through pain unnecessarily.
Love requires work although it’s not going to kill you to work at your relationship and you won’t regard it as ‘work’ if you’re in a good one. But you need to do the legwork because if you don’t deal with loving you, building your self-esteem and equipping yourself to recognise when you’re in a poor relationship that detracts from you, you’ll continue to be familiar with the horrid feeling of misery.
But ultimately, if loving someone means that you can’t love you, it’s not love.
Your thoughts? Would you know if you’re in a good relationship?
“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”
“Love yourself. It is important to stay positive because beauty comes from the inside out.”
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
“Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own.”
“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.”
Love Quotes For Her
“Kissing you is my favorite hobby. Holding you is my favorite pastime.”
“Breathtaking should mean YOU in the dictionary.”
“Not so long ago I was alone and lost, and then you came along and I was home. Thank you for finding me.”
“I crown you the Queen of my heart.”
“On this day, I vow to be completely yours forever.”
Love Quotes for Him
“You are the source of my joy, the center of my world and the whole of my heart.”
“When I tell you I love you, I am not saying it out of habit, I am reminding you that you are my life.”
“I don’t need paradise because I found you. I don’t need dreams because I already have you.”
“You are the last thought in my mind before I drift off to sleep and the first thought when I wake up each morning.”
“Everywhere I look I am reminded of your love. You are my world.”